A Christian couple is having sex before marriage. The only concern seems to be the boy's reluctance to wear a condom as his girlfriend wishes. Is that the only problem in their relationship?

AT ISSUE

A man says: Gina (not her real name) and I are both Christians and have been living together for nearly 6 months. We plan to be married once we get enough money saved. She still insists I use a condom. How can I change her mind about this?

OUR INSIGHT

You have raised several very important questions. Jesus wants the very best for you and Gina.

Even though you have been together for 6 months it appears you and Gina are having communication problems. She is concerned about conception or infection (possibly both) and apparently finds it difficult to share this with you in a way that you understand. You may be focused on your own pleasure rather than her needs, and this is not a good situation. This could be a serious source of problems in your future marriage.

There is a larger issue at stake here. That is, Jesus would prefer that you not live with Gina or have sex together at all until after you are married. Many Christians don't understand this since living together has become commonplace in our culture. However, followers of Jesus know that adulterous situations, like you are in, will smother your spirituality and distance you from Jesus.

Why will this occur? Because Jesus wants you both to be his obedient followers and he does not approve of adultery (or fornication either). He was pretty clear about that in Matthew 5:27, so you both are currently in the sin bin. A blind man who had been healed by Jesus made an important point which applies to people in the sin bin. He said, "We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does his will" (John 9:31). So living together as you are cuts vital communication links to Jesus.

All is not lost however! You and Gina should confess your sin and renew your allegiance to Jesus. Live apart and do not indulge in sex, then get some professional counseling to deal with your communication problems and other issues which you both may have. Then simply get married and enjoy the blessings of the Lord!

-DLH