It's tragic when Christian couples do not pray and read the Bible together. But it's worse when a spouse abandons faith that was once closely held. What steps should the believing spouse take to deal with a situation like this?
 

AT ISSUE

My second husband of two and a half years was instrumental in bringing me to Christ-- I was pretty much an agnostic when we met, and he wanted us to go to church together. I found the Lord in church and we were both baptized (his idea).

Lately he has said he doesn't have Jesus in his heart, can't get him there, that he's not sure he "buys the dream" and he should just stop going to church.

He has never liked talking about his faith; he's also limited our Bible time to 5 minutes a day.

What can I do to help him past this crisis? We have changed churches because he didn't like the pastor's challenging invitations at each service. At least he hasn't stopped attending church. Help!

OUR INSIGHT

You are in a delicate situation, and great wisdom is required on your part. I'm sure your husband is in your prayers, and that should continue.

You have already expressed some of your wisdom when you say you need to "help him past this crisis." It is a crisis and it will pass as wisdom continues.

The wrong thing to do is to "jump on his case." That will turn him off quickly and perhaps permanently. You need to guide him gently in the right direction, perhaps without him being completely aware it's happening.

Remember the old Aesop's Fable about the contest between the sun and the wind, to see who could get the cloak off the man walking below? The wind blew, and the greater the wind, the tighter the man held onto his cloak. Then the sun took a turn and just beamed warmly. The man was soon hot and took off his cloak himself.

You need a "Sun" approach! Here are some steps you may find find practical and helpful:

1. Make sure he is connected to other dedicated Christian men (not a pastor). He needs someone as a role model. He will listen to them when he won't listen to you.

You may need to take the initiative to invite Christian couples around so he can meet guys, or perhaps there is some Christian man you know who shares his hobby interests. Work behind the scenes on this. You don't want someone to "talk to him," you want someone who will be his friend and whom he can learn to trust.

2. Recognize that his desire to change churches is probably due to the strong invitation. This, along with his overall insecure Christian behavior, may be due to some sin in his life. He may no longer feel worthy to be a Christian. Of course Jesus takes us as we are, so we know this is not really a problem, but may be a problem to him. The sin may be large or small, but if you discover this is the case, you must be willing to forgive him unconditionally just as our Lord has forgiven us.

In quiet moments you should ask him if there is something he needs to share with you. You can persist questioning him in this area, though it is more difficult, if not impossible, to probe in regard to his faith crisis. He will probably view the first as wifely concern, the second as nagging.

It is very possible that some sin and his faith crisis are the same problem, however. He may not know how to deal with his guilt, a common situation for those who come out of "shame-based" families.

3. During that 5 minutes you have in the Word, study some verses that demonstrate that once we receive the Lord he is always there, whether we want him to be there or not. Jesus is not disposable like so many things in life -- our relationship with him is eternal.

People only fool themselves when they think they can abandon the Lord. They may try, but the Lord never abandons them -- that's what salvation is all about! Some suggestions for your little Bible study: God chose us (not vice-versa!), Ephesians 1.4; Spirit has testified in his life already (your salvation through your husband for example), Romans 8:16; and see also 1 John 4:13. There are many, many other such verses. Once your husband comes to understand he cannot flee from God, he might choose to be reconciled to him.

And what about your own spiritual life? You followed your husband in matters of faith, but it would be wrong to follow him in matters of faithlessness. You continue your time in the word beyond the five minutes, and continue to pray and worship the Lord in other ways. By all means, continue to go to church.

-DLH