AT ISSUE

When I met my husband, I was drawn to him because he was a strong Catholic like myself. We both came from Catholic homes, and we were very active together in ministries in the Catholic Church.

A few years ago, after some years of thought, I left the Catholic Church and became a Christian. I now attend a Christ centered Bible-based church.

This has proved to be very stressful for our marriage. I pray he will also leave the Catholic Church but my transition has only made him a stronger Catholic.

Should I go back to the Catholic Church to make him happy even though I don't think it is the church I should be worshiping in?

OUR INSIGHT

As evangelical Bible-believing Christians it would probably be easy for us to just cuss the Catholic Church, and some readers might like just that. But your concern is very important and needs to be approached from several different perspectives.

One of the things that might make providing insight easier is knowing how long you have been married, how many children you have, and the quality of your relationship outside your different views of faith. But assuming you are a relatively happy family, let's view your situation from several angles.

A Catholic Husband's Perspective

First, let's look at the situation from your husband's view. He is, and has been, active in the Catholic Church and considers himself a good Christian, whether or not he meets the biblical standard of being born-again. Since the Catholic Church believes that people become Christians by propagation (birth) rather than evangelization (rebirth), he feels he has a heritage to maintain, especially if there are children. He has maintained his position even though it has caused stress in his marriage. Personally, his position has my respect, and I hope you respect him too. He is a man of principle and faith, even though we'd probably agree these things may be misplaced in the Catholic Church.

Let's consider too that in you he felt he had a "known quantity" in you as his wife. That is, he thought he was marrying someone who shared his beliefs, and you did just that for years. Then you did something very disconcerting, and that is you abandoned the views in which he found a great deal of meaning and switched to a different view. He must have felt you pulled the rug from beneath him, and that must have been very difficult for him.

Finally, your husband has another major thing working against him in this situation. And that is, he's a man. It's difficult enough for men to work out their religious convictions once in life, almost impossible for one to work them out twice! Change comes very slow with men. Your switch has made him a stronger Catholic? No surprise there!

A Born-Again Wife's Perspective

So, does all this mean you are not a good wife? No, of course not! But hopefully it helps you realize that your husband has some legitimate concerns even though you have done the right thing in following the Lord as you have.

Sadly, when people start following Jesus they think all issues become black and white, cut and dried. But that's a big fat lie straight from the lips of Satan. Most situations, like the one you find yourself, are shades of gray, and we need to invoke the power of James 1: 5 which says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he or she should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

So, let's consider your perspective. You love this man it seems, and that is good. It appears he is a man of character because a lesser man might have abandoned his faith altogether without the support of his wife. Such men are hard to find, so it is best that you make up your mind to stick with him even though there is friction. As a Christian wife you need to reassure him that you love him deeply and won't be trading him in on a Protestant husband. You may laugh about this, but it is a serious consideration.

I'm sure that the spiritual welfare of your husband is also a part of your concern. You want him to be born-again, and that is good. Continue to pray that will happen.

I'm fairly sure you have a social dimension to your perspective too. You don't like to go to your church alone. You would like to have your man at your side. Most churches are busy ministering to families, so people who attend church alone never have the same experience as they who are one of a couple or family.

A Solution To Consider

So, how can you bring all these elements together so you are able to honor the Lord, yet maintain a happy martial relationship that you hope will end in the salvation of your husband?

My suggestion is that you continue to attend your Catholic Church. Yes, continue to attend your Bible-believing church on Sunday evening or at other times too, but begin again to attend the Catholic Church with your husband. It will solve a multitude of problems.

For example, you will remove the friction from your marriage. You will also be in church with your husband, and that is something you want. Your husband will return to you the respect you show him and the heritage he believes is important.

Is this "selling out?" No, because you are returning under some very specific conditions, and you need to explain them in detail to your husband, your children, your priest and your pastor.

What are these conditions?

1. That you are born-again, and are only returning to the Catholic Church out of love and respect for your husband. Tell them all very plainly that the salvation of your husband is more important than the church you attend. This is true, of course. And once he is saved he'll be hungry for the Word and will be happy to go to a Bible-believing church where he can hear it taught.

2. That you will feel free to attend your Bible-believing church at anytime during the week that you need instruction or spiritual encouragement. It is likely that you'll still attend Mass with your husband, and you should participate as much as you can. If you cannot participate at some points, simply read your Bible or pray quietly.

3. That you realize there are born-again Christians within the Catholic Church, and that you will seek them out for fellowship, prayer and Bible study.

4. That you see the Catholic Church as a mission field. Since there are some born-again Catholics, there can be more. God may very well have selected you to be a missionary to the Catholics in your neighborhood, starting with your own husband and children.

5. That you will correct false teaching when you hear them. If Church teaching differs from biblical teaching, you must point this out, especially to your children. The people around you must be made aware that there is a difference on many points between what the Bible teaches and what the Catholic Church teaches.

You must not return to the Catholic Church just to keep the peace. You should return with a very definite plan to honor the Lord.

Trust God And Be Patient

Can you take on a responsibility as big as this? Yes, I think so, because the Lord wants to bless efforts such as this. He wants couples to stay together, and he wants Bible-believing people to share the Gospel, so it looks like you're the right person in the right place at the right time! Expect God's blessing.

It is important that you maintain a soft spirit as you follow this calling. You may become frustrated at the Catholic Church, and if this happens you should be very patient. You may think it is unfair that you must go to the Catholic Church to please your husband and a Bible-believing church to meet your own spiritual needs. However, the Lord is pleased in both cases. You may think you do not have the knowledge or skill to be an effective missionary. But remember, it is the Holy Spirit within us that brings about change, so don't try to do the work yourself, but let the Spirit work through you.

Can you expect God's blessing with a plan like this? Yes. Be wise, be strong, be patient, and expect the mighty blessings of God in your life.

-DLH